A good conversation

I like a good conversation. In a quiet setting over a cup of tea.

I'm disinclined to shout at the top of my lungs in non-conducive places like the pubs, clubs and some parties. So, I may seem "boring" to someone who meets me for the first time. But because first impression counts, people form certain judgement about you.

And I'm disinclined to sound clever on subjects I don't know very much about (like politics and religion). But I've observed some people talk as if they know a lot (but based on their answers, I can tell they know next to nothing).

But I'm open to non-judgmental discussion and picking the brains of others (that's how you learn, right?). And it's best carried out in a quiet, relaxing atmosphere, yes?

Last Saturday night, I spent a good five hours chatting to a married friend at her home. A few times her kids came down the stairs, announcing "Mummy, it's movie night". (I did try to make a move a few times, but somehow another topic of conversation came up - and I enjoyed it immensely, so did she, I reckon).

This gorgeous lady is my schoolmate, who's a housewife, 10 years older (but doesn't look like it) and has neither the same academic qualifications nor the same lifestyle as I. In short, she's the complete opposite of me. But we connected - as women.

Her family has always seemed to be a picture of a happy one. But she made me realise that's not true - perhaps we see it that way because we just wish things are that way. It gives us hope.

She let her guard down. And I'm very thankful for that. Because the feeling of sincere closeness is something...money can't buy.

She told me how she found out her hubby had an affair and how they worked through it. I must admit I was disappointed to hear about the affair at first. In addition to all the extra-marital affairs happening around me (I, for one, was a gullible "victim" once), it made me feel many people no longer treat marriage as sacred.

I cried. I don't know how it happened but I did.

Despite her grief, she understood her hubby and forgave him. She said something that struck me: Men may seem strong and dependable outside, but inside, they are vulnerable and need approval of their masculinity. Women, on the other hand, appear weak and dependent but we're actually made of sterner stuffs. Sometimes, we have to make them feel like a hero. If not, they may run to another woman, who can make them feel that way.

It made me review what I seek in a man. I've always wanted a man to be my partner, you know the whole equal status thing, where I don't have to play "games". But I view things differently now.

It's not a matter of equal status. It's about understanding what a man is made up of, and what makes him tick. If it makes him feel good to fix things for us, why not? After all, we expect our men to tell us we're the most beautiful woman in the world, even though we're bloated and have break-outs at that time of the month.

I think sometimes we forget to make our other half feel good, because we've got too "comfortable". The reason the courtship period seems more sweet is because we, more often than not, try to impress and make each other feel good. So, why not continue doing it after marriage, which is much more sacred than bgr (boyfriend-girlfriend relationship)?

I promise to treat my next man better. If he tells me "how shall I compare thee to a summer's day, thou art more lovely and more temperate...", of course.

Will you promise, too?