My family

Later today, I'm going to take my mum out to East Coast Park/Marine Parade (remember it from my previous Singapore Is The 25th Best City entry?).

In the past few years, I've been so busy with work, school, my friends and ex-bfs that I admit I've neglected my family.

Although we live in the same house - it's tradition for singletons to stay with their parents - my relationship with my family has been sort of a hi, how's your day, fine, ok good night.

In the beginning of the year, it dawned on me that my family gives me stability, they are always there, looking out for me quietly in the background. So, I decided that I would make an effort to spend quality time with them.

But I failed to keep my promise until today. My mum pointed out this to me a few days ago. Hence the planned outing to the beach and shopping.

I'm closest to my mum. I adore her, I do. For the longest time, my bane with her is she's too much of a cleanliness freak (perhaps that's why I'm so rebelliously untidy). But other than that, she has been pretty cool. She lets me do whatever I want, never imposed curfews, is always supportive of me (well, she'll air her grouses like the time when I wanted to change jobs, but in the end, she'll always relent). I've grown to appreciate her more than in my younger days. Perhaps that's what maturity is all about.

Let me tell you a little more about my mother. She's the sixth child of sixteen children. Her dad was a school caretaker and her mum, a housewife. Her role at home then was the housekeeper (which explains why she's so particular about neatness). She studied until third grade, thankfully, she can read and write simple stuffs. She dreamt of becoming an actress, but in those days, women are trained to be housewives and not to hanker after any personal ambition. She met my dad, who lived in her neighbourhood, at 18 and they dated until they got hitched when she was 24 (pictured during their courtship).

Now, let me tell you a little more about my father. He's the second of four children. His dad was a British colonial army personnel and his mother, a housewife. Among his siblings, he was the most responsible and he had always been the head of the household. He waited until all his siblings got married before he settled down at 28. My dad is a clever man, but whatever dreams he might have was suppressed when his dad passed away when he was 16. To support his family, he had to work as a security guard at night and went to school in the morning. He managed to scraped through his Cambridge O levels exam and joined the British army, as it seemed a natural thing to do and besides, it was a stable job.

My dad did rule the household with an iron fist. Which was why I had an estranged relationship with him - for seven years, we exchanged nary a word. But when I started working and my world was broadened, I realised he had done his job very well. He was a responsible dad and made sure we had proper education, apart from life's necessities. He also taught me one very important lesson in life - to be independent. When I asked him for a meaning of a word, he said check the dictionary. When I asked him for directions, he said ask a stranger. When I ask him to buy me something, he said earn it. I used to resent him for it, thinking he didn't care about me, but I've since realised the good that has come out of it.

My mother, on the other hand, taught me compassion. She taught me to see the good in people instead of focusing on their faults. She taught me to forgive and forget. She taught me to be down to earth, despite my successes. And the most important thing of all, she taught me to smile, despite whatever life dishes out to me.

Whatever my parents imparted to me has made me the person that I am. And I can only be better. Both of them give me balance - to seek my fortunes and at the same time, to remember the less fortunate. Which is why I am, to a great extent, a peaceful and happy person, because I learnt not to swept away by material things and to count my blessings. And I'll take care of my parents until the day they die (or I die but I've got it all covered).

Yesterday, my 19-year-old brother asked me for a loan for his Vespa licence. He asked my dad, who said, you guessed it, earn it. I told my brother dad's right, but he said he didn't want to work and enjoy life first, because he was going to be enlisted in the compulsory national service (army) for two years soon. And he said he would pay me back from the allowance he would get. I gave him a speech about independence but also decided to cut him some slack (am I doing the right thing?). I gave him a deadline to pay me back in full. And pray to God he'll learn about responsibility. My mum refused to have any part in it, because she doesn't want him to put himself in danger by riding a scooter.

At this point, my brother seems different from me. He's very much swayed by emotions and acts on impulses (whereas I'm a calculated risk-taker). He doesn't like school, so he doesn't put in effort and flunks his Cambridge exams, without thinking how it might affect him in future. He wanted to be a sound engineer (he's a very good drum player, since his marching band days) but the prospects weren't good here, so my dad objected since he was the one, who would be paying for the private course. So, my brother did the next best thing - by going to a public technical school and taking up graphic designing (he also happens to be good at sketching). I had to put in an appeal to the school because he wasn't eligible due to his exam results. But he failed one subject - because he didn't wake up in time for the exam! - and had to stay back another half a year in school just to retake it.

When I asked him recently what he plans for his future, he just looked at me and said "I guess I'll sign on with the army". He clearly has no interest in the army, but he's just going with the flow, because it's a stable job (and perhaps he thought it would make us get off his back). My goodness, doesn't all these sound too much like a blast from the past?

I can only hope that he would take the best of what our parents taught us and use it to his advantage. I don't expect him to be like me, but I do expect him to feel accomplished, independent, peaceful and happy.

PS: Pray tell, how can I help my brother?

PSS: Until I figure out how to insert links on my blog, I'll have to do this manually - please visit Blog Virgin/LP/Whiteboard Sandpit Blog at http://justtryinitout.blogspot.com/