Men have it hard, too...

The other day, while I was at the hairdresser's getting a Japanese perm, I read a magazine article about a woman, who went undercover as a man. Two things struck me:

1) Men are hesitant to approach a woman, lest they get rejected.

2) Men cannot open up to their buddies, because they don't want to appear vulnerable.

Now, it's easy to brush it off as macho crap and their egoistical nature. But I'm leaning towards a more sympathetic view.

At clubs, I've been approached by very forward men. I remember succintly a Turkish tourist, who came up to me and said "I need a girlfriend", to which I replied "Good luck". (Ouch?) Then, he ventured with "Is this Singaporean hospitality?" and I said, "No, this is the hospitality of any self-respecting woman". In a heartbeat, he went off in search of greener pastures (I bore witness to it). Now, maybe I had been presumptuous - that he was looking for, pardon my language, a fuck. But the way he said it, huh uh, came across as dubious.

And there was this time at a cafe in Los Angeles when a British expatriate came up to me and said, "I know this sounds terribly like a pick-up line, but you really do look like a friend of mine." I appreciated his honesty and exchanged name cards (because my tour bus to celebrities' homes was honking). It has been three years and we still keep in touch over email every now and then. Now, he's the kind of guy I'd want to date, dress in sexy knickers for and rub aromatherapy oil on his back (a pity he's thousands and thousands of miles away...)

So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is if a guy is looking for sex, just come right out and say it, and if the girl is up for it, there's no reason for her to turn you down. But you must be prepared for girls like me, who are looking for something much more than living out fantasies on a four-poster bed (hint, hint ;P).

But, guys, if you feel there's a tiniest possibility that the lady, who has caught your eye, could be something more, then go for it and say something like, "I would like to learn more about you and sex is the last thing on my mind" (this way, you acknowledge that yes, as a full blooded male, you do think about sex but your interest in her is not purely as a piece of meat).

As for part two, guys, talk to your friends. Why not, when you can spill your guts to the bartender after you've had one too many drinks. There's a time and place for that chat and it's certainly not when you're with your buddies post a soccer game (especially when nothing seems to be going right in your life and even your favourite football club has let you down). Confide in one trusted buddy - who cares more about you than the casual bartender - over the phone, coffee or a chill-out session at your place. And guys, if your pal is trying to confide in you, listen to him, weigh his worries and give him your measured opinion - see him not as a man, but as a human being, who has his share of insecurities, just like the next person - be it a man or a woman.

Ladies, you, too, can do your part. It's tough for a man to admit to his girlfriend that he has weaknesses, but if he can't face you, then just reassure him and let him know, "I'm here if you need to talk and I'll not judge you", seal it with a kiss and go about doing your normal, daily things, instead of pressurising him for an answer, which will all the more make him refrain from expressing himself. And when he does open up, be more sympathetic towards him, because we are HUMAN first, man or woman second, boyfriend and girlfriend third, and so on.

I'm not a qualified counsellor and I can only speak from experience. My ex-boyfriend once said to me, "I feel better after talking to you. I cannot do it with my friends, because I don't think they'll accept me for it" (if you're wondering why we broke up, it's because we failed to reach a compromise on our expectations on so many different levels, not because of a communication breakdown).

All the best.

PS: Feel free to share your opposing views or otherwise. We agree to disagree, yes?