Manipulation

Okay, this post is going to sound very devious. And I've decided to call a spade a spade, as evident in the title.

During a conversation with my cousin the other day, I was sharing my experiences in managing relationships (of any kind). And he blurted out, "That's just a nicer way of putting manipulation across" (so be it).

The thing is, in every aspect of your life or in any line of profession, you've to work with people, and if you don't rub them the right way, life is going to be very difficult for you.

Maybe you can identify with some of these examples. Maybe you've done it unconsciously.

1) Seem sympathetic.
Some of my fellow co-workers seem to be busier than me. So, to make them feel more appreciated (and make me seem more hardworking!), I offer my help from time to time (of course, I'd rather be skivving somewhere else). Most of the time, they decline, because it's not my job. But when I make that gesture, I can see their eyes light up (dare I say with a tinge of gratitude). See, it's that simple. You don't even have to buy them snacks or pay compliments, which is such a blatant way of currying favour and get on some people's nerves.

2) Condescend those who condescend you.
Okay, I know you're supposed to be kind, let it go and all that. But I think people will continue messing with you if you don't put a stop to it. When someone picks on you for the sole purpose of feeling superior, hit him/her where it hurts, like: "Thank you for being frank with me. I must be frank with you, too. Perhaps you could speed up your working process." This is not taking revenge but making your stand.

3) Offer suggestions that fit YOUR agenda.
I do this all the time with clients. It also works with friends and family members (ah this is what I love about the anonymity of blog). Give them a million and one reasons (of course, these have to suit the context), so much so your ideas become theirs. Maybe it'll hit them later (sometimes it does). But the thing is, it's later and you've got your way. And they can't blame you because it's their fault for agreeing in the first place. This trick can be used over and over again, because many people don't have an acute sense of consciousness (tried and tested!).

4) Use positive words and always with a sincere smile.
Instead of saying "That's not right" (even if that's what's going through your head), say something like, "That's not quite what one would imagine". Seal it with a smile (which is always sincere if you believe in what you're saying). This is my favourite feedback from my dad (through my mum): "I can't take it. I think she's being sarcastic, but I'm not sure if I should get mad because she said it so sweetly!"